


Drowning.

by Merry_Jane



Category: Free!, High☆Speed!
Genre: Developing Friendships, Gen, Self-Discovery, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 14:04:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merry_Jane/pseuds/Merry_Jane
Summary: Haruka couldn't bring himself to understand others.Maybe Haruka needs to understand himself first.





	Drowning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm new here. This may or may not be my first and last fanfic.
> 
> I've always been really fascinated with the characters of Free!, especially with how they were originally depicted in the High☆Speed! novels.

Haruka goes out of his house through the front door. Makkou comes out from the doghouse by the longstalk hollies and dogwood. On its silky black coat, stray moonbeams shine like brilliant sunlit sea waves. Haruka walks towards Makkou and pets its head before heading out.  
  
Going up the last half of the stone steps and under two torii, he makes it to the shrine grounds on the very top of the mountain. He wonders if the ancient inner shrine will just crumble to dust right before his eyes then goes around to the back.  
  
Because the moon is full, he doesn't have to worry about tripping on anything unseen. He doesn't have to worry about not seeing it. Haruka stands in the middle of the Japanese zelkova and maple, almost squeezing himself in the gap, and stares down.  
  
He stares into the infinite blackness of the sea. Somehow, he thinks of what is in his heart. Then again... what is it really?  
  
The waves hit the rocks below and break. Do they hurt, he wonders.

What if he fell?

What if he fell right now?

"Haru?"  
  
A voice calls out. Haruka doesn't have to turn around to know that it's Makoto.  
  
"How did you know I was here?" He asks, but he really isn't interested in Makoto's answer. He is more interested in the deep black sea waves throwing themselves against the rocks as if they can't take any more of the water's swirling darkness.  
  
"I saw you go out of your house."  
  
"Is that so."  
  
_Hi, I'm Rin Matsuoka! I have a girly name, but I'm definitely a boy!_  
  
The voice that Haruka remembers hurts his ears. He grimaces as if he is hearing it in the present.  
  
_I quit swimming._

Footsteps began to echo in the cold and empty corridor of the old swim club. Footsteps begin to echo inside Haruka's mind, ringing painfully in his ears. In his heart.  
  
"Haru, are you alright?"  
  
Haruka finds himself clawing the bark of the maple to his right. Makoto sounded really worried. Something wet and warm oozes from underneath Haruka's fingernails.  
  
"Makoto, leave me alone."  
  
Staring at the churning black water left Haruka dizzy. He doesn't care the least bit about Rin. He can wander off to Australia, to anywhere. Rin shouldn't come back anymore. If anything he...  
  
Haruka was really happy when he saw Rin last winter for the first time after their graduation. He felt sort of warm inside and that doesn't happen very often.  
  
But Rin on the other hand looked more startled than happy. Haruka wondered if it bothered Rin that he saw Haruka again when he muttered a small "Haru" under his breath.  
  
After beating Rin in an impromptu swimming match, he left Haruka. Rin left Haruka empty, taking that warmth away with him to Australia. Maybe by now, Rin has tossed that warmth into the ocean.  
  
But why should it bother Haruka? They weren't even friends to begin with.  
  
But...  
  
That letter Sosuke gave to Haruka the summer before he encountered Rin at the railway crossing.  
  
Rin wrote, _Haru's fast! I wanna be fast like Haru!_ Should Haruka have cared, after all? Should he have written back? What should he have said? If he had just written a _Thank you_ would it have saved Rin from the black churning ocean of his heart?  
  
Rin was never Haruka's friend, but...  
  
Haruka never wanted Rin to quit swimming. Haruka never wanted Rin to quit chasing after his dream.  
  
The corner of Haruka's eyes feel warm. Something wet slides down the curve of his cheeks, dripping from his chin, and finally down onto the dry stone ground before it dries up into nothing, as if it really wasn't there in the first place.  
  
He looks behind to see that Makoto is gone.


End file.
